Where Has Time Gone?

Wow, has it been that long since I was last blogging?!? I am not quite sure. Lots has happened since Halloween of 2012, so lets get to some blogging.

It is crazy to think of how quickly things can come and go. There is no time like the present and we can't just sit here and worry about the future. I have learned the valuable lesson of time as I have developed into a half way through my first year of teaching. It is amazing how I look up and it is 12 hours since I was up and I am still at school. How I come home and barely have time tog et some stuff done before I pass out again. Life is challenging and trying to shape the minds of our youth really pulls it out of me. I love what I do, but I do wish for more tranquil days like today where I can sit inside in sweat pants and listen to silence (NEVER happens in a K-8 school, EVER!)

I have also learned to appreciate how time gets away from us. Another engagement, another wedding season approaching, and now baby news in the group. It is shocking that we are growing up to the point of us now having little ones of our own. I don't know if the world is ready for the next generation of technology savvy kids with their need for speed and constant source of entertainment. I miss the days of going outside and having all the kids in the neighborhood to go sledding with. The times when the morning Horse game happened at the house at the end of the street with the bigger area to shot around from. It is weird how it doesn't seem that long ago for us, but in terms of where society is, it has been that long ago.

I also sit here and think, it can not be over a year since my father has passed. So much has happened, so many happy times, sad times, and things I just wish I could talk to him about. I wonder how he thinks I am doing as a teacher and wonder if I ever treated him with the amount of disrespect I see my students show to their parents at times. I wish that he could hear about the planning stages for the wedding, that he could give me that sense of humor I loved to hear from him. I want him to talk to me about UConn basketball and how his boys in Blue in the state of NC are doing as well. I am not going to say I have gotten stronger since he has been gone but I have learned that I have to sometimes have a little more faith and trust that he has helped me become someone that he is and was proud of. That time will never get better, as the more time that passes, the more I feel I didn't get to learn or experience from him.

The time also is anxious time as Rich and I figure out things for our wedding. It is nuts how even though the time seems so far away that so many little details and things have to be sorted out so early. It is like looking for a needle in a haystack, you will never see everything but have to assume what you found might be worth enough. We are excited but nervous and overwhelmed at times with so much planning and looking into things that needs to be done. The little time i once had for myself seems to keep disappearing again and again.

But in general, it has been a good 4 months. Times of holidays, of vacations, of seeing family and friends, and sharing in good and sad news at times. Even though I am not hitting any milestone birthdays or years too soon, I feel like this year has taught me some really valuable lessons. I have learned that as much as I want, you can't have everything done in a certain amount of time that you want. There are always things that will come around to get you off track. But you are in control of putting things you want to go in schedule. This year will be the year of the Marathon finally. I think it is time to get on that horse and see what I can do. It will also be the year of my first "summer off" which I am looking forward to now that I am in main CMT training season. It is also the first year passing of my fathers death, which will be a hard and somewhat painful time but at the same time coming with optimism of a better future.

I hope it won't take too much time for me to think of a better topic to write about next time, but what can I say, my time is valuable :)

Quarter Down

In 2 days, my first quarter as a teacher will be officially over. I am not sure what I should feel right now. Relief, excitement, nervousness, etc. I feel like everyday I am on a ride of emotions, the emotions of middle school students. Some hours they are up some down, some times they just do not want to see or hear me the rest of the day. 

It takes a special person to deal with everything that happens every day. In relation to my last post, I am not sure where the last year has gone even. Last year at this time I was in relatively the same place. Off from school due to a Halloween storm. Stressed every day over, and excited for the upcoming holidays.

But it is hard to understand some things I have come across in quarter 1. I wish I could show all my kids the future and what it could hold for some of them. I want them all to be excited for High School, College, and beyond. I want them to realize that even if High School doesn't care about their 8th grade grades, that it might actually make their life easier in the future. I wish I also knew how to make a lesson that every person likes. Yes there are ones where most of them like it but it is a pretty challenging job to accomplish day in and day out. 

As I sit here on this gloomy day, I realize that overall I think I am having that overall feeling after quarter 1. I think about how much I put into each day and how little I seem to get on the outside. It is a rough time to be a first year teacher. There is a lot swirling around about teachers. About how we have it easy, and we complain about all this stuff. I think the main reason we complain is because we want the best for our students and sometimes it just doesn't seem that both of us want the same thing. 

I am so emotional sometimes about my job, which was something I never had before. But now it is a whole new ballpark. I am a teacher through and through. I just have to still try to find ways to balance everything in my life. I can't get myself so worked up with school things when I can not control every aspect of it. I want to, just not fully possible. 

So here is to another good quarter of lots of learning and lots of hopefully exciting moments along the ride. 

Time

Wow, it has been a long time since I was on here last to write a post. It isn't that I haven't wanted to, it is just that the most precious gift we have in life has been short lately. If you haven't guessed what that gift is, it is time.

Time is something we take for granted, we wish we had more of, and we waste a lot of it over a lifetime. We all wish we had more of it, whether it be because work takes up too much time, we aren't getting enough sleep, and we just can't get everything done in the day we want to.

What really changed about how time seems to drag at some times and goes super fast at other? For me, time right after my father passed, it dragged and I just felt each minute that I was now without my father. Now, as I start my new career as a teacher, I feel that I don't have know if I can ever get everything done in a single day that I want to do.

I wish I knew a way to really use my time the best I can. I try to here and there, whether it be waking up and getting to school a little before when I actually need to be or it is grading some papers while having a football game on that I am not following too closely, but we cannot always combine items when our attention needs to be fully on one of the tasks. The worst is when you sit in traffic for 30 minutes and feel that you have just wasted some precious time that you were going to use somewhere else.

In the lifestyle of on the go and trying to do as much as possible, I feel wasted time is the worst thing you could do, but when I am completely trained from my first 3 weeks of work and I sit here on my day off not doing too much, I feel that it really isn't wasted time, it is time to actually recover and relax from the overworked time of the last couple of weeks. I think that each of us knows the best way to enjoy and sue the time we are given, because we are not sure when our time will be cut short from anything: from a relationship, from a career, from a sport, or from a loved one. You want to be able to say on the other end of your time in something that you used it the best you could. I can see that I did with my past career, that I did with my time in college, and that I did with my relationship with my father.

I know that I always will think I wanted more time, but I can be happy and enjoy the time I did share with him. We did a lot, we shared a lot of memories and yes he could have been here for more things in life, but I am just happy I had 26 glorious years with him. I hope to have 26 more years of other times in my life t hat keep me sane: friends, sports, etc.

No matter what you have each day that take up part of your time, just remember that you do always need something to have to relax with and you might think it is wasting time but I also think we all need a little time just to ourselves. Reflection and relaxation are incredibly important parts of our life, and our time wouldn't be as good in between without those times.

So as we start this fall season, and we get closer to the hectic holiday season, remember that time is sometime you can give and receive. Spend a little more time on yourself if you have been neglecting it, or spend some time with someone you have maybe forgotten about for awhile. You never know what it can do for your life :)

Unknown

What is the unknown? Is it just something that is not researched enough or more or less just something that we do not understand? I feel like it is sometimes a little bit of both. Depending on the situation, it can go back and forth... something that you do not really understand as an individual or just a new concept.

There are always unkowns. Whether it be an ailment that it is confusing to you, a wonder about future plans, or even what will happen in the Olympics that day. Unknowns are not something people relish well. As humans, we do not enjoy when we do not have control, or do not really truly understand what is going on in our life. There is something about how our mind can wander when we do not know for certain what is going on. When you do not know what is making you sick, people go through many different variables and hypothesis of what could be wrong. Does that make you feel better ever? Thinking you might have some random virus or infection... usually not. Most people try to put it out of their mind, but usually do not feel fully better until an expert, or in this case a doctor, tells you what exactly is going on. The moment the unknown, becomes a known.

I have gone through unknowns these last couple months. How would I cope without a father anymore, will I ever find a job that fits for me in this new career change, will I be safe and healthy until I can get on benefits again? These are all scary questions that can really just take you to a dark place. It is not fun there, because it is an unknown. Each day though, you must try to continue to look at things little by little, and not try to become overwhelmed with things. If you can take things one day at a time, and let some pieces fall into place then things are not just unknown but the unexpected future, which sounds a heck of a lot better.

As a world, we like control.. we like to know things before they happen. But we cannot predict things in our lives, we can not always read the end of a book before we start it... sometimes you have to go with the punches. In those situations, sometimes unknowns are good. It is like a little bit of a puzzle but fun maze that has to come to full picture. I don't want to know everything that is going to happen in my life. Would that be fun for people? To know, oh tomorrow I am going to get the flu. I mean you might try to change it, but I doubt it will actually be something you can change.

This summer, I wish I felt differently, that I could just know where the next month would take me. It would just be a relief after months of uncertantity. But that is what gives life a little flavor. Not everything can be a walk in the park, if it was we would all get bored after awhile. No, there is times when the known is better... on tests, on diagnoses, in love, and in your heart... but not everything is black and white. Unknown things in our life are opportunities.. to shine, to reach for something new, to learn. We are all looking for those type of things in our life. Sadly though, that is not the course everything takes.

In all, just try to think that the unknown is not always scary. Yes, it is different and it is that way because we are not sure what it brings. But try to think back to a time when you did not know something and then found out and how awesome it might have made you feel. Sometimes the unknown just falls into being patient. Which is something else that is entirely hard, but can be very rewarding. August, I am not sure what you will bring but I will try to stay as positive about the unknown as I can be. :)

Olympics

Every four years, a lovely two weeks of amazing sporting events begins. As a kid growing up, those summers were some of my favorite. Watching the next great athlete show the world what they were made of, all of the upsets, and the agonizing moments of defeat were just another part of my life that made me who I am today. I am incredibly competitive and sadly I wish I was able to take my competition to the levels of the Olympic games.

This year I thought I would be there. Not as an athlete, but as a spectator. But sometimes things do not always work out the way you want. I had applied for tickets and everything, and if you ever want to to go to the Olympics, make sure you plan early. But there were circumstances that left me unable to attend the games across the Pond.

The Olympics are mesmorizing. It is this amazing time for athletes to showcase all of their hard work and compete at some of the highest levels in their individual sport. You also get to watch sports that you might never hear about or see any other time. Today I got to watch Archery, which seems really difficult but at the same time I did not see the athletes showing any sign of them letting the stage get to them.

Each night, I find myself just glued to the newest headline or what will be the talk of the World the next day. It is not all about the sports, because people who do not really like sports can get into the Olympics too. It is about the experiences and the atmosphere. I can imagine, that there is nothing like that.

The Olympics are on my Bucket List. And I will get to one sometime soon, I just wish that it could have been this year though. I am excited to start watching Gymnastics tonight. Rowing brings me back to my college years. Swimming has been my favorite though since I was little and continues to be. But everything is exciting to watch, even if it is something I can see during the rest of the year.

So here is to two weeks of Magic. Two weeks of exciting times where everyone forgets the tensions between countries, politics is not a worry, or financial turnmoil. It is a time for passion, enthusiasm, and wonder. Enjoy them everyone, because like everything else, they are gone too fast!

Oh and Go Team USA!!

Tough Mountain

I love competition, which can come in all sorts of forms. Over the winter, while looking at things to do this summer, I found a Tough Mudder type of race called the Tough Mountain. It was being held at Sunday River Ski Resort in Maine and would take the 5K and obstacles of a Tough Mudder Race and put it on a ski mountain, to add a little flare.

You would think, running up hills, going through mud pits, getting hit with snow guns as you run up a hill... exactly what I want to do.. right? Well obviously I did so Rich and I completed in last weekend. When we got there, we did not know really what to expect. As we pulled up, we were looking at the ski trails to see if we saw anything that let us know how high we were going to be going. Heats started at 10 AM and we were supposed to go in the 11:30 heat, so we had some time to look around and see what was going on.

After we got our Bibs and then our numbers written on our arm and leg, I felt like I was in a triathlon or something. We walked out to the starting area and were taken away. Hundreds of people were hanging around, with a DJ playing, and an announcer who is letting us know what is going on. It almost kind of got me pumped up like some old Swimming or Rowing days. I was ready to get going even though it was not my heat time yet.

When Rich and I were ready to get going, we had decided we would run together and just enjoy the whole experience. As the announcer counted down the last 10 seconds before we went, it was just pure adrenaline.. and hoping to not get hurt. Haha. The 3.1 miles and 16 obstacles were all that was between me and partying afterwards.

It didn't take us long to get our feet wet, literally. Obstacle 1 was going through like a water mud pit within the first 30 seconds of the race. Then we continued up and up while snow guns blasted on us. If you thought skiing through those things is bad, try going through it running, it is pretty unbearable. We kept going up and up, and then had to walk across some pipes over a pond of muddy water. Good thing I could keep my balance, at least for a little bit of time. From there we did get to run down a big but then crawl under a long area of muddy barb wire. Lets say that, ponytails are not something that help girls get through there easily. Finally on the other side, I had a good number of battle scars already. We weren't even half way done yet.

From there, it was a lot of going up with some smaller obstacles in the way. The last obstacle up was called WTF and it was pretty much running, if you could run, up the steep part of a ski lift area. There was a rope to help if you needed it, but it was pretty much a climbing on all four just hoping to not slip and slide down the amount you have already worked your way up. At the top, there was music playing and it felt like an accomplishment thinking, alright it is just going downhill from now on.

Downhill was actually worse at times since there was a lot of watery, muddy grass that was slippery and it seemed like you had to slow yourself down all the time to make it down safely. One of the obstacles I was looking forward to the most was called the leap frog... going across a pond on little lilly pads that they had made. Sadly when we got there, they had informed us it was partially broken so we were not able to do the whole obstacle. All I know, is it better be there next year too. Then we were almost to the end, up and over some walls with a mud pit in between. Needless to say, my feet did get stuck and I lost a shoe but made it through with Rich's help. From there, it was just a last minute slide, literally, down a huge slip and slide to the finish line.

It was a great time, we finished with a decent time of 1 hour 6 minutes. Not winning, but we were in the first 1/3 of people, which isn't bad for over 1000 participants. More people should def. do it next year with us. It is pretty much a great workout and awesome time. We enjoyed the next couple of hours watching other heats, having some food and some brews and just enjoying the amazing weather and time together. Here are some photos of other heats and some of the obstacles. Enjoy!

Cheers to being done

Welcome to the snow guns

Getting down and dirty

Starting off nice and wet

Slipping and sliding to victory

What a beautiful day

Yes.. yes it is

Wedding Season

So the last couple of years... my summers have been over run by weddings. It is insane! At least 3 or 4 weekends a summer are spent watching another friend tie the knot. I love weddings and by no means hate having to go to them, it is just it has become kind of a game to see what year we break the record for weddings in a summer.

This summer we have 4, and luckily they are spread out a good amount. The thing I love about weddings, other then having a good time, is just really seeing a lot of hard word pay off for two special people in your life and watching them begin this new chapter together.

The first one of this year is one of Rich's old college roommates. It was a lot of good college friends and it was a great day for a wedding. The groom is in a band so even came up and performed at his own wedding for a couple songs! We all had a great time and I know Jim and Liz did!

Weddings do make you realize one thing... you are getting older and more mature (hopefully). They show you that you are starting a new chapter, this life not as a child, college student, single college graduate, but now you are married... part of a pair.. life partners. It is touching!

As much fun as we have at weddings, you know that for everything that goes well, it took a lot of planning! And as each wedding I go to, I see more and more amazing things that I would never have thought of at a wedding.

With one down, three to go. Hopefully each continue to have a great day and start this amazing new journey together!

Getting ready to say their vows

You may now kiss the bride!

Just relaxing before the reception

There goes the wedding party

Let the dancing begin

And let the new band take over :)

Mt. Washington

It has been a bad summer for me and blogging. Between job searching, trips, work, and all the weekends being filled with planned activities... finding time to blog has been hard. I am also simply at a loss for words right now to write about. It has been an emotional summer and I feel almost drained of a lot of my more inspirational words. So for now, I will highlight points of my summer that have been good.

July 1 a group of us went up to hike Mt Washington. Bennett, Rich, and I had done it two years ago and made it in record time. It was a sunny say, which is very very RARE at Mt. Washington so we did not really know what to expect this time. This year we added Greg and Laurie to the trip and decided to head up the mountain from a different side.

During the morning we had comfortable weather with great views and enjoyed some of the sights. There were beautiful waterfalls and just plenty of pretty photo opportunities.

We got to the Lake of the Clouds and felt we were getting there. We were in the Alpine zone, and we finally were out of tree cover. The clouds were rolling in, so it became harder to see at the top but after about 4 hours we finally made the last couple of steps to the summit.

Then it became the trek down. Now as hard as you might think going up a big mountain is, sometimes coming down is even harder. You must stop your self from just trying to continue moving down and down. Watching each step, it is challenging. But about 20 minutes into our descent, we felt the beginning of rain. Now earlier in the year Rich and I had already been stuck in a storm on a hike and I was not excited to have this for a 3 hour trip down. Luckily we all had items prepared to wear if we encountered some rain.

After about 30 minutes of pretty bad rain and no real thunder, the rain started to clear. Good thing it got warm again and we were able to dry out most of the way down. Towards the bottom we did have some thunder but it seemed distant enough that we weren't too worried and we were pretty low at that point.

Once again, I realized how beautiful the mountains on NH and VT are. It doesn't matter how in shape I am, it always sees to take a lot out of me as well. Everyone should get up to the Presidential Range in the White Mountains. They are gorgeous and I hope over the next couple of years to get some of the other peaks done.

The group before we got going

One of our first water sightings

Bennett looking for his inner zen

Water fall, but higher up

Don't push him in

The boys and the fall

Looking out over the Valley

Told you, this was the path to go to see waterfalls

Looking out at the view again.. finally in the alpine zone

The clouds are moving in

Oh man it is going to rain...

Still good thoughts as we make our way down

And it is already clearing up

Hanging out on the bridge, almost there

Back at the bottom

We did it!

Another day, another mountain down :)

A Dedication to the Best Man I Have Ever Known

Over a month ago, a day in my life happened that has changed me forever. For 26 years, I have always looked up to my father, the dad who was goofy, a sports fan, dedicated in everything he did, but most of all a family guy. I thought I would have him around to walk me down the aisle, to be the grandfather who would be more energetic at times with his grandkids then his parents would be, and to see both of his daughters settle into careers and family lives that he would be so proud of. But sadly on May 7, 2012, there was a different plan set in place for him. My dad lost his long battle with cancer just two days after seeing me receive my Master's Degree from the University of Connecticut. Never would I have imagined that a weekend I was looking forward to for so long would turn into a weekend I would never forget for other reasons. I knew that he has struggled with his treatment and that the last 6 months had been rough, but each day I had talked to him going up to that weekend, I felt that we had reached a better side, a side that would have him around for another family beach vacation, another birthday, another Christmas, another Father's day...

For a month I have known I wanted to write about my Dad, but every time I sat down to write it I just could not figure out what I wanted to say or remember. He meant so much to many people, but to me he was everything. I always was a Daddy's little girl. From the first kicks of a soccer ball, to the first place finishes at swim meets, my Dad was always my biggest fan. No matter what I got myself into, he wanted to learn about it and see me compete or participate. He loves hearing about my sports career, since he was such a huge athlete when he was younger. When I joined rowing in college, he had seen it but I don't think he really understood everything about it. When he first came up to see me at UConn my freshman year, and he got to visit the boat house it was so nice to see how he just really wanted to learn about this new part of my life. That is how he was about everything. He only got to see 2 of my rowing regattas but the two he saw he loved. He always talked about going back to the Dad Vails about how much fun he had there. Even though rowing is not the most exciting sport to watch, a quick 7 minute race that you can't even see us the whole time, he was truly happy to be able to be there cheering me on. He loved hearing about training for my races, my new love in tennis, and how everything was going. He was so proud of all the sports and accomplishments I had.

Other then my sports, my Dad loved hearing about my friends and wanted to know how they were. There was no conversation where my Dad would not ask, "How is Rich doing? How is work? How is his family?" or even when I was in college he always asked about roommates or teammates. He always wanted to know how Zukis was or Heath (Gates) was. He took an interest in them because when he wasn't with me in CT, he wanted to know who I was being able to turn to. My Dad was like that though, he cared about so many people above himself. He took an interest in their lives and also wanted to check up and make sure that they were doing well. When friends had troubles in their lives, or family situations, he would always want to check in to see if things were better. He might get confused with names here and there but he always knew who he wanted to talk about or ask about. Those small tokens about my family made him truly amazing. He was there for so many more then just my mom, sister, Molly, Kirby, and me.

Growing up with my father was a blessing. When we were younger, he worked 2nd shift so he was able to spend time with us in the day before we went to school. As we got older, he was working further away and also in the evenings or nights which was tough but he was always available on the weekends for the soccer tournaments or swim meets. Having two very active daughters did not make their lives easy by us always being away from home but he was by our sides giving us little pep talks before races or meets and being our biggest fans. My Dad played video games with us, and sometimes even beat us, and even though he might lose he would always be there to joke with or talk about the game. I loved being able to sit down and play Mario Golf with my Dad and just for hours sit there and share something with him that we both enjoyed and we had such happiness doing it. I never saw my Dad really upset, other then when his own father passed away. My father was always happy, he loved his family, he did love his job, and he loved everything he had. It was such a blessing to have in my life.

My Dad has taught me so many things. He taught me how important it is to care for my car especially. My Dad was a mechanic through and through. He did his job outside of work, and was Mr Fix It at our house. I don't think I remember my Dad ever calling "the man" to do something for us, he always wanted to do it himself. He took care of all the cars in our family so well that I mean we never really paid for oil changes or maintenance until I was away from home. He loved his Honda's and he has me hooked too. My Dad was a great cook, he loved manning the grill or making lunch that we would come back to after a long morning at a swim meet or morning at church. I did not start right away, but now I have that same appreciation for cooking. He taught us to be frugal and not settle for just buying something to have it but make sure it has worth and it was a deal. We did not get a lot of stuff in our house when we were younger until it was on sale, and I see now being an adult how important savings really is. He always taught me the appreciate for laughing and just being true to people and everything in your life. He never said a bad word about someone and really had no enemies. It is hard to imagine that in todays world, but he was someone everyone liked in any way they knew him or interacted with him.

Each day I think of you Dad. You are with me, I know that. You are watching me as I search for my new teaching job, you are there when I cook a new meal that you would enjoy, you will be there each week when I watch the Panthers hoping that they show them the chicken. It won't be the same having you to talk about when the Big Dance comes around but I know you will be picking your bracket up there in heaven and seeing if you can beat me this year. I will always think of you when I see Dirty Dude on TV for commercials or racing and always enjoy being able to go back to some of your favorite restaurants. Every time I go to Dairy Queen, I know you will want to get your twist cone or even a hot fudge sundae if it is a good day.

I hope that I can be half the person you are as I go on. I hope that my kids love me as much as I know Colleen and I have and always will love you. I know that on my first day as a teacher you will be there watching me. When I walk down the aisle you will be by my side even if it is only in spirit. I know I should not shed tears everyday for you but when you were such an amazing man, it is hard not to. Mom, Molly, Colleen, and I will always love you and miss you. I know you and Kirby are up there playing ball now like you used to. You are with your parents and Tracy and just getting to watch all of us live on in your legacy. You have made me SOOO much of who I am. You will be a part of me for the rest of my life. I love you so much Dad, and I hope I continue to make you proud. I hope that if I have battles in my life I hope to challenge them with such amazing strength as you did for the last two years. I will cherish all 26 years I shared with you. I wish I would have had 26 more but the memories I have I will never trade in.

Thank you Dad for everything you taught me. I know there was more you wish you could have taught me but I am always learning and I will continue to look for your guidance. I am glad that we got to share your last weekend here together and that you got to finally meet some very important people in my life.

I love you Dad........ always your sweetheart

You were always so proud of your girls

Always a family guy

And the Dog was now always front and center

You always were a joking goofy "zanny" Dad

 The best parents a girl could have ever asked for

You sure did love your snakes, not always sure why

I will always remember this weekend