Final Push

It is funny, the month of April is usually one of my favorite, but this year it is a struggle.

The weather in New England in April has been crazy, and that does not help situations. I just got off of a week where I worked 5 days in a row, for me working part-time right now that is a lot. Especially when during the day, it was gorgeous out and I wanted to just stay outside playing games and having a picnic. Today we get close to 90 and as it is the last two weeks of school, I sit here struggling to find motivation.

As much as I hated it earlier, having to have a lot of my thesis already written has been a nice bonus. I felt not as overwhelmed trying to piece together the last section, but it is still not perfect. I also have no motivation to sit down and study for tests that I do not want to take and feel that should not really count to my overall readiness to be a teacher. Those type of "assessments" are what I hate to think about as a future teacher, one little paper that can make or break you. What does it really do? Show if you handle anxiety well, show if you can cram and regurgitate information well? All I know is it needs to be done with!

I am planning graduation, and my summer, as I continue to look for jobs. It is a crazy market. The uncertainty of the next couple of months of my life are something I hate. I like knowing what is going on and what will happen. This is just not something that is in my comfort zone, so I feel every night I go to bed restless with uncertainty and scary thoughts of not having a job, what to do in August if I do not have a classroom. These thoughts I don't like to think, but I must be realistic at times too.

I know I still have two weeks of school and three till graduation, but that seems a lot closer then when I first started this program almost 12 months ago! Where has time gone, a lot has happened since then. But I am ready to tackle these next 2 weeks, even if I have to pull myself from being outside with a good book and a nice cool drink. Enjoy the "summer weather" New Englanders.... hopefully if you see me out there make sure I have my work done first!!

I can do it!